Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Mail Box: Finding Time for My Husband

We recently had a letter come in to the Loving Big Families Mail Box asking for some help. Do you have any advice for her?

I am a mother to seven, which means things get pretty crazy around here. There is so much to do and so little time. It seems like over the years my husband and I have become strangers. We are both so caught up with the kids, the house, and work that we never have a spare moment to spend any time with each other. It seems like days, if not weeks, can go by where we simply don't have a second to ourselves to just sit down and say, "hi, how was your day?" How can I find more time to spend with my husband with all of the household duties of raising my children?  ---Anonymous
  Dear Anonymous,
I know exactly how you feel! I felt the same way. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day stuff that comes with raising a large family that the relationship with your spouse gets put on the back burner. Of course, it isn't intentional, but it's just what happens.

This is actually an area I have been working on. Like you said, there just aren't enough hours in the day, so I had to make time when I could find time. For this, it involves getting up at 5:00 am to spend a few minutes with my husband while he's getting ready for work. Even though he's racing around the house to get out the door, it still gives us some time to chat.

Also, we have exactly 40 minutes from the time he gets home from work until the kids come home from school. We spend every second of that time just sitting and talking about our days. On weekends, we tend to stay up really late even though we are tired because it's really the only time we have alone with each other to hang out, watch a movie, or just sit and talk.

We would love to do date nights, but that just isn't a reality. As I'm sure you're aware of, it's really hard to find a babysitter for a lot of kids. If you are lucky to find one who agrees, they charge an arm and a leg. So, date nights simply aren't an option for us. But, we do little date nights at home. After the kids are in bed we will have a dinner for the two of us and watch a movie.

It is a constant balancing act and there really isn't any answer. You just have to find time when you can, even if it's only a few minutes here and there. Work at it and find the time because fostering the relationship with your husband is just as important as fostering the relationship with your children.

How do you find time to spend with your husband? Share any tips or advice you may have for this mama. Don't forget to join the discussion on Facebook!

If you're going through a difficult time, need some advice or just looking for someone to lend a supporting ear, email us at, subject line-- family mail box. Or, message on Facebook.

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