Monday, June 23, 2014

The Ugly Truth of Pregnancy

If you've ever been pregnant, than you probably know well enough pregnancy isn't all about rainbows and butterflies as depicted on movies and TV shows. For the select few that have had the ideal pregnancy experience, I'm glad not everyone is miserable though pregnancy. Here are some real facts about pregnancy that they don't show you on TV:

First Trimester
  • Morning sickness doesn't just occur in the morning. It will hit you when you least expect it and even last all day and night--for weeks on end.
  • Beware of smells!! When you're pregnant, there will be at least one smell that will be an instant vomit me!
  • Unexpected gas outbursts. It's the silent but deadly one's you have to look out for.
  • You won't begin to look pregnant but the bloat sure will cause you to look like you've gained a few pounds.
  • The fatigue is a killer. It seems you walk 4 feet and are ready for a nap.
  • Kiss sleeping through the night good bye. You may as well sleep on the toilet for how often you are going to be running to the bathroom.
  • Don't expect to not see blood in the sink after brushing your teeth for the next 9 months.
Second Trimester
  • Often, hemorrhoids begin to make their presence known.
  • Watch out for those spider veins and varicose veins.
  • Stock up on razors and shaving cream because hair often begins to grow in places you never knew existed.
  • If you're lucky, the morning sickness is gone but man, has that relentless heartburn kicked in.
  • You thought the gas was bad before, just wait until you try to bend over. Make sure no one is standing behind you!
  • The nice, tiny little flutters you feel won't last long. Soon it will feel like you have the incredible hulk in your uterus.
  • By now your hair looks really good or really, really bad.
  • Hey look, you have acne like you had in high school!
Third Trimester
  • Yay! The morning sickness is back.
  • If you thought the gas was bad when bending over in the second trimester, now you have to try to not to fart and pee your pants when you put your shoes on.
  • Never trust a sneeze!
  • Forget sleeping. You may as well wear a diaper. It will save you from going to the bathroom every 5 minutes.
  • If you're lucky enough to see your feet, I bet they sure don't look like you remembered. I am sure your feet are some where underneath all that swelling.
  • Places you never knew could hurt, begin to hurt.
  • Those tiny flutters of the baby moving sure are fun when they find your bladder and ribs.
  • You thought you were tired before...just wait!
Have you ever wondered why the doctors wear the face shields in the delivery room? That's because a large portion of women accidentally poop and pee on their doctors, and if your water hasn't broken, there's a good chance it will in your doctors face when you begin to push.

But, through all this pain and misery, and all the things they seem to leave off of the TV shows, nine months later you'll hold the most beautiful thing you've ever seen in your life. All those months of uncontrollable body functions and odd occurrences that made you think you were losing your mind will be well worth it. Nothing matters once that little bundle of joy is placed safely in your arms.

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